Yay, I got older.
Typically, I spent the day with family who don’t have a clue who I am, what I’m interested in, or how to talk to me.
I don’t have any local friends I can turn to for company and conversation any more, so it was that, or spend the day by myself feeling isolated and alone.
My mother forgot (again) that I’m lactose intolerant. When it got cooler my dad decided everyone should go inside, which essentially meant I had to leave because they won’t let Buddy loose inside. My parents gave me a card full of cash, as usual, because they’ve never bothered to learn what I like, and/or can’t be bothered putting effort into it.
My grandmother bought a house that morning, which is excellent news, and provided everyone with something else to talk about since no one really wants to talk to me. Seriously, on my birthday, all anyone could talk about was this house my grandma bought. (I don’t begrudge her buying this house on my birthday, just that wow… hello, it’s my birthday…)
My brother was the only one who found something he knew I’d like, and made the effort to wrap and give it to me like a birthday present. Granted, it’s a book he’s really interested in reading and he knows giving it to me essentially gives it to him too, but still… he made the effort.
It doesn’t feel good to be the person in the family no one can be arsed to make an effort for. The folks have told me they’ll be away next year, for my 40th. There’ll be a big event for mum’s 60th, my uncle’s 50th, but I expect I’ll be celebrating my 40th by myself.
Yeah, I’m depressed. If you can judge a person’s value by how much effort their own family can put into celebrating their birthday, it’s pretty clear I am of no value to anyone. Yay for Facebook reminding people to send me empty birthday wishes – a day late.
I’m really depressed by how alone I am at key times of the year, having to rely on people who wouldn’t notice if I wasn’t there.
I at least anticipated this and thought to buy myself some stuff online, to arrive around my birthday. I get to unwrap it, even if it’s only bubble wrap.